“I would rather DIE than be doing this,” I thought to myself.
Overdramatic, extremist and hyperbolic as usual.
I was driving to talk to an accountant for my budding yarn business and was petrified.
This was a few years back when I was just getting started.
I needed an accountant. To continue on with my dream of growing my lil’ baby biz, I NEEDED an accountant.
But for whatever insane reason, my mind had created the idea that accountants were mean, old men plopped behind their massive desks, glaring at me through beady, suspicious eyes. Think, Jabba the Hutt.
I was sure I’d be interrogated, ridiculed, laughed to scorn. Everyone in the office would surely point at me, kick me to the curb and crawl back into their cubicles with sneers on their impish faces.
Oh, wonderful mind. What a creative little trickster you are.
As I drove to the office, shaking in my boots, all of these irrational thoughts were running through my mind, and I would have given anything to NOT NOT NOT have to be doing THAT errand at that moment. But it needed done. And so I drove.
Upon entering the office, I was greeted by the sweetest receptionist and lead into meet “the accountant.”
Her name was Heather. And she was most certainly NOT a mean, old man. HA HA!! She was ultra helpful and patient and completely dispelled my unfounded beliefs about accountants. And all was well.
If you’re one of those souls who has no fear and faces life with ease and glee and sheer delight on a constant basis, then hurray! What a blessed thing. I wish I could get to that point.
But to this DAY I still feel random, crazy crap. Usually in the quiet of the night when not much can be done about it.
Common fears I’ve had:
“What if my business fails and I end up starving and freezing to death in a ditch?”
“What if all of my family and friends die and I’m left alone, unable to emotionally cope?”
“What if I end up an old lady, alone and afraid, left to knit in the corner of a nursing home and await my impending death?”
“What if somebody says something MEAN to me on social media?”
“What if I can’t pay my mortgage?”
And yes, the really absurd fears that make no sense, like my fear of driving.
My dread of going to stores alone. Afterall, people are LOOKING at me. Gah!!
And you know what? None of those things are TRUE. None of them are REAL. They don’t exist. They are simply wisps passing through my mind. And as for people being mean, whatever. That’s their thing, not mine.
Mastin Kipp of The Daily Love likes to say that fear is a compass showing you where to go.
That has been massively helpful to me.
When I’m really lost, I always remind myself: “I won’t always feel this way.” Sometimes that is the only hope I can find. And then I pet the porch cat. (Anybody want a sweet, cuddly love bug? She needs a home.)
It’s okay to dream. It’s okay to want more. It’s okay to want challenge and growth and creativity and joy and all the wonder that comes from trying on a new dream and seeing how it fits.
And it’s okay to feel afraid EVERY DAY. What if, what if, what if?
In my brightest of moments I realize…
SO WHAT? So what if it all goes to pot? So what if I hit rock bottom? So what? Life goes on. The world keeps turning. And I know I will NOT let myself down. I will always pull myself up by my bootstraps, find the strength to go on and build an even more fabulous life from the rubble of before.
I was talking to a friend the other day who was wanting to try something new but was afraid of failing. Afraid of what others might think. Afraid of sticking her neck out there only to get hurt.
Truth be told, like my mama likes to say, “Where there are oxen, there will be poop.”
You just have to be willing to endure that little bit of poo for the rewards of your dream.
There will be ups. There will be some down days.
People might say bad things about what you’re trying to do. Do it anyway.
You might “fail.” But know that you never truly CAN fail because you’ll have learned and you can try again another day and adjust your sails.
A great trick is to set a definite money and time budget and just consider the whole thing an experiment. Then you can’t “fail!” It was just an experiment.
We can live unfulfilled lives, with our dreams still twisted, sore knots in our chest.
Or we can push past our own barriers, TRY it and just see… see what happens.
You never know where this new path may lead.
But at least you’ll have released the dream bird inside of you to fly where she may.
When the dream bird starts to sing in your heart, listen to her song. Let her free. Follow her.
It’s your call. You can keep her caged or you can let her fly. It’s all worth it in the end. You either achieve what you set out to achieve or you shoot off in another direction. But those dreams guide us along our path and are so so so worth following.
And remember, none of this has ANYTHING to do with what others may think. Or say. Let them judge. Let those who sit in the comfort of their living rooms, spewing cynicism at every soul who’s living their dream, sit. Let them spew. But don’t let them hold YOU back.
And don’t let YOU hold you back.
Onward and upward with your dreams!