I took one.
I’ve lived 35 years on this planet. Most of those have been spent in fear. Anxiety has been a pretty consistent “friend.”
But then… something changed.
Imagine for a minute that you have a dream. Something you’ve wanted for a very, very long time. In fact, it’s so grand and inspiring that you don’t think it’s even possible.
But then it happens.
This happened to me back in June. I can’t say exactly what, but I felt like I had crested a hill in life. Things came true that I didn’t think ever really would. I was amazed. It was surreal.
But guess what?
I will still fearful. I still lay awake at night, my heart gripped with various terrors. What is THIS happens? What if that DOESN’T? In fact, new fears emerged around this dream coming true. How do I maintain it? What if I lose it?
I still woke up in crabby, forlorn moods.
In short, the outside world had shifted. The inside was still the same.
I was still me.
And so I changed.
Change can happen in an instant.
When I realized what I’d been working for my entire adult life had already happened and I was no happier, I finally was able to chill.
I created new paradigms for my life and have been repeating them everyday.
And I feel as if I’ve started to wake up. To grow up. To get it. I feel deeper and more alive and calmer and more peaceful that I thought possible.
- Life is a burden and a big joke. We have to struggle through and then we die. Most of my life I’d wished I’d never been born.
- Gratitude felt sappy. Cheesy. Ya ya. I’m grateful for the walls. I’m grateful for the door. Blah blah.
- I am not in control of my feelings and if I wake up in a bad mood, look out world. I can’t help myself!
- Life is a gift. A wonder. Each moment holds an endless array of beauty and awe. I now wake up every morning and shout in my head: THANK YOU FOR LIFE! I woke up! I get to LIVE this day! YESSS! Ohh. Coffee!!
- Gratitude isn’t something I force anymore. I am bombarded most of each day now with a sense of wonder. What is this incredible thing called life we are getting to live? Look at that fuzzy bird pecking on the ground. What a cutie! Feel this velvet couch… it’s incredible! I have running water IN MY HOUSE! How amazing is that! Pretty darn.
- I am in control of my feelings. Feeling crabby? That’s fine. But today…I don’t want to feel that way. I choose to feel different. Sometimes easier said than done. It helps to know you’re not your feelings or your thoughts. But that’s another post.
I’ll leave with that today.
In sum, we can’t control everything, but we can choose what we believe in and the thoughts we think. And that will shape our lives in new and astounding ways.
And life has a sense of humor. I started to post this yesterday. Something happened that set me over the edge. I have an immediate and conditioned response to this “thing” that inevitably occurs every few weeks and I got lost in the drama of it all, seething on the inside with anger and feelings of victimization.
But then… I came to. I laughed about it. I realized those stories I was telling myself weren’t “true.” And I created a new paradigm for that occurrence: Know it will happen. Plan for it and make contingencies. And then…CHILL.
Enjoy the day!