I have a saying I use a lot. It’s something that just came to me one day. And I’m reminded of it frequently.
“You love what you love for a reason.”
It resonates so deeply within me that it’s one of those things I just know is true on a soul level.
You love what you love for a reason.
You don’t always know that reason.
Sometimes the truth is only revealed after the fact. You look back and realize, “Wow. Now it makes sense.”
I was thinking the other day about my knitting and crocheting. If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time you know I love yarn. I have such positive associations with it that a gorgeous, rainbow skein can make my heart feel like it’s growing bigger and shooting off sprinkles of glitter and sunrays.
But I’ve been in a sort of crafting funk lately.
I’d been forcing myself to finish long, boring projects and I didn’t understand… Why had crocheting and knitting lost their joy?
…
It was because I wasn’t being me.
I have this urge in me to create vivid, bold, beautiful things. Quick things (my patience wears thin pretty quickly if the color or something about the pattern isn’t keeping me interested).
And yet I kept choosing projects that were practical. Things I knew I’d wear. Things that would match other items in my closet.
I longed for colorful. Instead I would choose plain and sensible.
I longed for brilliance and bold and even unusable… just beautiful things. And I would choose to make a gray scarf instead. Nothing wrong with gray scarves. Nothing wrong with making them. I love them.
But what about a glorious, rainbow pair of mittens? What about a pile of crocheted motifs with no purpose that I can just look at and make into anything I want? Sachets? A pillow? Anything.
I was sacrificing what I love in order to be sensible. To make things I knew I would wear.
Well, I’ve said pooey on it.
It felt like a piece of my heart was gone.
Where did the little 12 year old me go? The 12 year old that made pink doilies for no other reason than the sheer joy and delight of it?
Where did the 14 year old me go that simply had to have the huge 5 pound cone of rainbow yarn at Salvation Army?
I’m here. Deep inside. And I’d like to come out now.
This isn’t to say I will never make a gray, functional item again. I’m sure I will.
But I realize it’s okay to be me.
It’s okay to crochet a purple tea cozy even if I don’t own a tea pot. It’s okay to knit a lace baby dress even if I don’t have a baby to put it on.
It’s okay to just let my heart soar, my eyes light up with the joy of a new, discovered pattern, grapple for the yarn, scrounge for the right hook or needles and settle in with my coffee and stitch until my lil’ heart’s content.
It’s okay.
And that feels good.
I’m not sure why I restricted my joy by not making things just for the fun of it.
But you can be sure I’m going to be making more fun things. Things that make my heart go boom boom.
Things that bounce off the screen and make your eyes widen in awe.
Color speaks to me. It lights me up inside.
“You love what you love for a reason.”
And it’s okay to do it. It’s a good thing to have those times, those moments, when you just snuggle up with yourself and forget the world exists and you play for awhile with your yarn.
I made this hat last Saturday. And loved every delicious minute of it.
It doesn’t fit me because I didn’t bother with gauge. And I don’t care.
I have a very special person I’m sure will love it.
I adjusted the pattern as I went along and didn’t pay attention to what I did too much. I loved the whole, freeing process. I blessed it. I felt good about it all.
And isn’t that what it’s all about?
(In case you may be wondering and might ask:
The yarn is new and here and in limited supply.
The pattern is by the amazing (one of my inspirations!) Charissa of Mad Mad Me.
It takes one skein. I used a size I crochet hook and made the women’s large. I had to do quite a few more rows than the pattern called for. This is the amount of yarn I had left:)
What type of knitter or crocheter are you? Do you make items for function or for fancy? Projects that take months to complete or those that are finished in a few hours? I’d love to hear what you have to say.
Here’s to sheer joy in your craft,
~Chandi
Love it ! I often don’t like when the Brim doesn’t ‘pop’up’ so I usually crichet in front loop at beginning of brim . But still not totally happy! Very nice.
“Color speaks to me. It lights me up inside.
“You love what you love for a reason.”
And it’s okay to do it. It’s a good thing to have those times, those moments, when you just snuggle up with yourself and forget the world exists and you play for awhile with your yarn.”
Yeah that’s why I buy so much yarn and soooo behind on knitting it …it just talks to me, I could have a wall of clear acrylic enclosed shelving and fill it with my yarn just so I can watch all day!
YES!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! You have expressed the thing that ails me from time to time. I make about four baby blankets w/ layette sets per year (yes, I truly know that many babies and their parents!). I love to make them but they are “functional” and can be very colorful. But, every once in a while, I get to have a pretty, bright, bold purse… or scarf… or maybe just… something. Yes, I have gray scarves. I own earth-toned hats. BUT bright is something that speaks to my soul!
You are so insightful, never doubt yourself. Love what you do, life is way to short to spend it doing something you don’t love. I am so blessed to have found you through your site and that you have the talent to produce the yarn that makes my heart sing. Please don’t ever stop.
I love those colors! I’m so happy you found your color voice and I hope you never lose it again! knit and crochet is not just a tactile art it is visual and wearable and touchable! I hope you tell us what that yarn is because i am already trying to find it online….Mazel Tov
keep the joy
maura
I remember sitting beside my great grandma when I was 3 or 4 years old, watching her make the most intricate and beautiful doilies, and watching my mom knit all kinds of cool things. I asked my mom to teach me to knit when I was 6 years old.
Every time I pick up the yarn, I feel close to both of them. I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to take care of my mom for a year, and we’re bonding even more over yarn. We bought some beautiful superwash merino to dye, and we also bought some whirls and roving to try our hand at spinning then dyeing our finished products. My mom has really opened up to me, telling me things about her life as a child, as a teenager, and as a young wife and mother. I’m the only one of her six kids who has inherited her yarn obsession. Yarn has brought us closer together, and I couldn’t be more thankful!
A very nice post. We can all get caught up in being practical and losing our connection with the magic of creating. I tend to get to this place myself on a regular basis.
Beautiful project too!
Thanks for sharing, and reminding me it’s more than ok to make things that just aren’t “practical”.
I was so glad to read this post. Even though I knit and/or crochet what could be considered practical things I always seem to find patterns, wool, whatever that speaks to me and get enormous joy when I have finished another item and add it to the box of gifts for all my family for upcoming birthdays, Xmas etc. They all have different favorite colors and I love when I am able to find just that right item and color. I think my family would be in total shock on Xmas morning if they did not find scarves, hats, mitts etc. when opening their gifts. This year I have also added the wingspan scarf and a few other shawl patterns that work up wonderfully with the “chameleon” wool, self striping wool or just multi colored wool.
Your words could be mine. I have had to hide my patterns lately and just play around with some yarn and crochet hook. Just letting my imagination take off.
NEVER – EVER Stop being you! Don’t think you have to be practical or make practical things. Make what you love, with the colors you love. Who cares if you have 3 hats or 4 hats. If you want to make another one, go ahead. If it brings you joy then do it. If you run out of room to keep them in your home or shop; give them to a worthy cause. I know many chemotherapy patients who love the bright colors and would wear them proudly. Continue to be creative and fun!!
Your words touch me in a lot of ways. I hoard yarns – no idea what they will end up as….. but I understand you all the way! The texture of precious hand-dyed wools in brilliant colours – what better way to spark creativity and inspiration.
Please keep up your wonderful work – I can’t wait for my first package of yarn from your shop 🙂
Hi Chandi,
I loved your blog today. I love what I love to knit and crochet for a reason too.
I have just finished a baby layette for a cousins baby. Two months ago I started a pair of socks for my husband, my own pattern, with a gorgeous soft fingering yarn. The first sock is beautiful, the problem is the colour for me blue and grey, hoping to finish the other for father’s day. Like you I have to have colour, I just taught myself how to make mitred square/domino knitting and entrelac. I love to make doll clothes and baby blankets, this summer along with my gardening I see a dwindling stash happening. Thank you for giving me permission to unleash my 10 year old self inside this 50 something body. Anne from Mississauga, Ontario Canada.
I like to say I have crochet ADD, I start one pattern and then I start another and another, so it takes me a while to finish projects. My husband says I am one of those people who get distracted by shiny things, he has a saying he uses when I go to something else, he says “Oooo shiny.” He is kind of right though, as soon as I get new yarn I have to get a hook in it and see what it wants to be.
beautiful colors and design! well done! I have gotten back into crocheting again this winter.I have made scarves for many friends around the world!I love crocheting and have saved many patterns to use .I even “dug out” my old patterns and books,there are many that are on my list to make soon!
I feel exactly how you have described it. I have 3 bright beautiful baby dresses lying around, a green lace shawl that goes with nothing in my wardrobe except the plain white shirt, and a million half finished practical projects that I really doubt I will ever finish, but I am happy and that is all I care about.
You are such an inspiration. Since I have re-connected with knitting in the past few years, I have returned to all of those enlivening, healing, and renewing feelings I used to experience with crayons and coloring books. Yarn and colors stir my soul and bring me deep peace. So happy to find your blog to hear the stories behind the awe inspiring yarns on face book. The crochet pieces are absolutely calling me to open up my crochet needles again too. Please keep sharing your gift with us.