This scarf is so indicative of the last 6 months of my life. It has been one of the most profound, most magical periods of my life, thus far.
When I began this scarf, it was mid-spring here in Alaska. I was working a job. It was a great job, with wonderful people whom I adored, the pay was great, the environment friendly and the work easy.
On my lunch breaks, I would go to the break room, whip out my knitting bag and work a few rows of my current project, while eating my usual spinach leaf/sugared walnut/strawberry/blue cheese salad with Newman’s Own Raspberry Walnut dressing. Mmmmm…Sometimes I’d fall asleep on the couch.
I had a good life and the opportunity for a more permanent position there.
But my soul was sad. You see, I’m a creator at heart. I simply must create. A life lived without daily creativity would be no life at all for me.
Since I was a tiny girl, I’ve done all sorts of crafts. I’ve made candles, hand-made lye soap, baskets, pottery, skin care products and cosmetics (in fact that was my previous business), etc, etc, etc.
I began crocheting at 9 and loved it for years, until my college days. I laid it aside to begin my life. I got married, finished college with a degree in business. A few years later, when I was 27, I learned to knit via YouTube and books. And yarn was once again a part of my life.
Fast forward past a divorce, a 4,000-mile move to Alaska, the agonizing pains of readjusting to life without my previous business and income and the fear of starting over.
I happened upon this temporary job position and was delighted to have income at last. But my heart was hurting. I so longed to create as I had before and actually earn my living from it. I wasn’t asking to be rich or to have more than I needed. I just asked for enough to live on and be able to give as I felt led to.
After 6 months of working my job, I grew increasingly restless. I began this scarf, using some of my most favorite hand-spun yarn. I had tried making this into several projects but it was so loose and floppy that a scarf was all it wanted to be.
So I drew out a design and began knitting.
The scarf began as a muted frozen teal. A beautiful color, but cold and restrained like a glacier and like the grip of fear in my heart.
As I knitted along, it began shifting into icy crests of white. At the same time, my life took on a change. I decided that doing anything less than my heart told me to do for a living was not living at all and a mockery of All That Is Good.
So I quit my job after 7 months of being there. I wobbled in indecision on what to do with my life. The scarf mimicked even that by shifting into all three shades of glassy teal, frosty white and bark brown.
I had been dabbling with Expression Fiber Arts for almost a year, but due to the job and lack of space where I was living, I just hadn’t had the time or energy to put into it what I felt it would take to make it really go.
At that time, I had decided to simply sell out all the yarn and fiber stock I had and then let the wind take me where it would.
This scarf lay forgotten during those times, unthought of, as I worked on simple garter stitch projects to ease my mind and heart.
As life would have it, I finally gave up trying to figure it all out… I stopped trying so hard and simply surrendered to That Which is Greater Than Myself. I let go. And everything I had been wanting fell into place with ease. It seems as if I skipped a bunch of the details, but really that is how it happened.
I sit here astounded still at the odd turn of events.
Time and space were both opened to me, as if saying, “Take the chance. Live!”
In the last few weeks of the summer, the way was opened for me to move to a new studio/living space. And for a great price unheard of in Alaska (the cost of living here is astronomical), I have an entire two story building and property at my disposal for my business and possible classes, if I so choose.
I realized I could earn a decent living with my crafts, while helping others to create more rapturously, live more fully and connect with other crafters, which is so delightful and healing in many ways. And I could even take a part and give to quality charities of my choice to spread goodness in the world.
I discovered this scarf one day, sitting lonely in one of my many knitting project bags, so I finished it within a few weeks and really for the first time noticed how the changing color transitions mirrored the change of my life since I had started it.
I love how it started out cold and frozen-like, like a blue glacier. Then it shifted into icy swaths of white, with mingles of both blue and brown. And how it finished on a very grounded, earthy color: brown, for I feel very grounded these days. Very in tune with nature and simplicity. Very serene.
I’ve let go of the fear of basic survival and have opened up to trust that which is greater than myself, knowing all things work together for good. They always do.
I feel as if the icy grip of fear has melted and disappeared, and all that is left is truth: That I am whole. That all is well. And here I am grounded and real and open, ready for where ever life takes me; fertile and excited to see what seeds have been planted in me and will soon sprout and grow. (Wouldn’t this have made a perfect post for spring? Alas… )
And I realize that the true beauty of life (as in the scarf) is the combination and flow of colors… Just one color alone would be grand, but the contrast and symphony of the multiple shades in combination are what create true beauty. And I wouldn’t trade any of it, for one polarity reveals the other with more clarity, creating more appreciation in me.
I love the transitions and seasons of life and this scarf means all of those things to me. I hope you enjoy knitting the pattern and that in a small way at least it reassures you that during your fearful times, you are not alone.
We all have our fears and worries. Who knows what the future may bring? But we can know this at least, We Are Not Alone…
We have a connected web of fellow humans and if we open our hearts, we can see the many possible friendships and loving, helping hands ready to assist and doors which will open for us.
And I want to take a minute to thank each of you who read my blog, are connected with me on facebook, instagram and twitter and/or have purchased from my shop. I am immensely grateful to each of you. Your kind comments mean the world to me and have uplifted and encouraged me everyday. I only hope I can be such an encouragement to you.
The pattern for this is available here on Ravelry. It was a little intimidating to post my first pattern for sale via PDF format, but there you have it. I worked through it and got ‘er done!
This pattern is ideal for using up scrap yarn or hand spun yarn with unclear yardage, as you just keep working wedges until you run out of yarn.
The yarn is some of my hand spun, approximately a worsted weight. The teal and brown are merino wool and the center white section is bamboo fiber. Bamboo is naturally more “slouchy” and less resilient than the wool, so that part of the scarf tends to slink a little. I think this will be one of my frequently worn scarves…
Please let me know what you think about this scarf and your thoughts on my post…