I have a saying I use a lot. It’s something that just came to me one day. And I’m reminded of it frequently.
“You love what you love for a reason.”
It resonates so deeply within me that it’s one of those things I just know is true on a soul level.
You love what you love for a reason.
You don’t always know that reason.
Sometimes the truth is only revealed after the fact. You look back and realize, “Wow. Now it makes sense.”
I was thinking the other day about my knitting and crocheting. If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time you know I love yarn. I have such positive associations with it that a gorgeous, rainbow skein can make my heart feel like it’s growing bigger and shooting off sprinkles of glitter and sunrays.
But I’ve been in a sort of crafting funk lately.
I’d been forcing myself to finish long, boring projects and I didn’t understand… Why had crocheting and knitting lost their joy?
…
It was because I wasn’t being me.
I have this urge in me to create vivid, bold, beautiful things. Quick things (my patience wears thin pretty quickly if the color or something about the pattern isn’t keeping me interested).
And yet I kept choosing projects that were practical. Things I knew I’d wear. Things that would match other items in my closet.
I longed for colorful. Instead I would choose plain and sensible.
I longed for brilliance and bold and even unusable… just beautiful things. And I would choose to make a gray scarf instead. Nothing wrong with gray scarves. Nothing wrong with making them. I love them.
But what about a glorious, rainbow pair of mittens? What about a pile of crocheted motifs with no purpose that I can just look at and make into anything I want? Sachets? A pillow? Anything.
I was sacrificing what I love in order to be sensible. To make things I knew I would wear.
Well, I’ve said pooey on it.
It felt like a piece of my heart was gone.
Where did the little 12 year old me go? The 12 year old that made pink doilies for no other reason than the sheer joy and delight of it?
Where did the 14 year old me go that simply had to have the huge 5 pound cone of rainbow yarn at Salvation Army?
I’m here. Deep inside. And I’d like to come out now.
This isn’t to say I will never make a gray, functional item again. I’m sure I will.
But I realize it’s okay to be me.
It’s okay to crochet a purple tea cozy even if I don’t own a tea pot. It’s okay to knit a lace baby dress even if I don’t have a baby to put it on.
It’s okay to just let my heart soar, my eyes light up with the joy of a new, discovered pattern, grapple for the yarn, scrounge for the right hook or needles and settle in with my coffee and stitch until my lil’ heart’s content.
It’s okay.
And that feels good.
I’m not sure why I restricted my joy by not making things just for the fun of it.
But you can be sure I’m going to be making more fun things. Things that make my heart go boom boom.
Things that bounce off the screen and make your eyes widen in awe.
Color speaks to me. It lights me up inside.
“You love what you love for a reason.”
And it’s okay to do it. It’s a good thing to have those times, those moments, when you just snuggle up with yourself and forget the world exists and you play for awhile with your yarn.
I made this hat last Saturday. And loved every delicious minute of it.
It doesn’t fit me because I didn’t bother with gauge. And I don’t care.
I have a very special person I’m sure will love it.
I adjusted the pattern as I went along and didn’t pay attention to what I did too much. I loved the whole, freeing process. I blessed it. I felt good about it all.
And isn’t that what it’s all about?
(In case you may be wondering and might ask:
The yarn is new and here and in limited supply.
The pattern is by the amazing (one of my inspirations!) Charissa of Mad Mad Me.
It takes one skein. I used a size I crochet hook and made the women’s large. I had to do quite a few more rows than the pattern called for. This is the amount of yarn I had left:)
What type of knitter or crocheter are you? Do you make items for function or for fancy? Projects that take months to complete or those that are finished in a few hours? I’d love to hear what you have to say.
Here’s to sheer joy in your craft,
~Chandi
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