Oh, hello, beautiful. I’m so glad you’re here.
Remember that post I wrote a couple months ago about sinking into fear?
Ya. Earlier in the year I went through an icy month. You know – those times of life when fear wraps its icy tentacles around your heart and refuses to let go.
Fortunately, I was able to stay clear headed enough to not sink into that quicksand of hopelessness.
Instead, I started taking action towards what I wanted my life to look like. And several insights revealed themselves which I’d like to share with you here.
The first thing is…
Develop a life philosophy.
We all have our beliefs. But I hadn’t considered the concept of having a life philosophy. I discovered the book – A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William. B. Irvine.
Ohhh my gosh. Life changed! I am one of those people who devours self-help, nonfiction, philosophy, spiritual, etc type of books, always with the hope – is THIS the one that will so drastically change my life that it’ll mark a turning point and all will hinge on this one book?
This was one of those books. From the first few words in the opening flap, I was having this internal dialogue:
“Yes! Oh, that’s so me. Oh my goodness. YES!! Oh, for sure – I DO want to get life right. Yes, I am afraid of getting it all wrong and mis-living. Oh, goody! What is the solution to mis-living? Yes!! How exciting!”
This book got me to thinking about the concept of creating your own life philosophy and it specifically discusses stoicism as a possible option for you. It’s definitely not for everybody, but it resonated with every cell in my body. YES and YES. I was in love. I was hooked. I was in hook, line AND sinker.
As fate would have it, my nephew then recommended I read The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday. Cool. So I started that and was dumbfounded that it was based on… you guessed it… stoicism. Wha!!!
No way. YES, way.
This was ANOTHER life-changing, oh my GAWD how-have-I-lived-my-whole-life-without-this-book, kinda book. I have it downloaded onto my iPad and iPhone and refer back to my highlighted sections almost daily.
Please, please grab a copy if you get a chance. You can get them at my Amazon affiliate links above or at your local bookstore or where ever floats your boat.
The amount of PEACE, clarity, focus and honestly, just JOY that this new philosophy (new to me – but ancient) has provided – unspeakable.
Tim Ferris talks a lot about stoicism as well and adopts a lot of the aspects of it in his daily life.
Really, it has been huge.
And I’ve shifted up and out of that fear into a much more peaceful, calm and joyful state for most of the time. Not that life is perfect.
It’s full of grief, shock, disappointment, betrayal, loss and more. That’s all a part of the territory.
But we can look at those things not as the enemy – not as events or emotions to be ignored or hated – we don’t have to shake our fist at the sky and ask the universe – WHY MEEE???
No. We can look at them and find gratitude – for they are the fuel on the fire that will help us grow stronger and more refined and ultimately, more tranquil and joyful.
“The obstacle IS the way – it’s not stopping you – it’s leading you to exactly where you need to be.”
There are various aspects to the philosophy but one I found quite interesting is negative visualization.
I had been under the belief that you should ONLY dream about, plan for and believe in what you WANTED to happen. Forget everything else. Don’t give a second thought (or first thought) about losing what you have, or not getting what you want or God forbid, your own death. No, no no. Think happy, positive thoughts only!!!
I’ve since come to realize that is not only unrealistic, but truly not helpful in your growth.
You came here to grow and be the best version of yourself that you can be.
And sometimes – not much, but sometimes, it can be incredibly powerful to imagine losing that thing you love so much. Or… taking your greatest fear and mentally walking through what you’d do if it came to pass.
And even, contemplating your own death. I know that freaks some people out. But when you begin to occasionally throughout the day or in meditation, contemplate these things… you will find an overwhelming appreciation begin to well up in you for all you DO have.
What if you lost your house? What if tomorrow, it was just… gone? OH my goodness. Look at this old fridge. How amazing! It might be 10 years old, but it KEEPS MY FOOD COLD. What miracle is this? And my coffee maker! It produces such a rich, bitter brew that I love!
Listen to my creaking floors that support my weight as I mindlessly walk on them everyday. What a fun sound!
I have indoor plumbing. Something even KINGS of ancient times didn’t have. Woooowwwwww.
And look at this person in my life that I love – what if tomorrow they were gone? It could happen. Deep breath – you’ll find them suddenly so fascinating. Look how they move their hands when they talk. It’s so funny! And how they laugh! I love it! Even when they get frustrated – what a treasure just to know them. How thrilling that they want to be in my presence right now.
And life becomes infinitely more precious when you know it will end someday. Oh my gosh….. the sound of a cricket outside your window will suddenly be the most miraculous thing. Cars on the road! Who cares if someone cuts you off! They probably had a stressful day at work with other stressed out people and they just wanna get home, kick their shoes off, eat some lasagna and watch Game of Thrones.
Every little experience magnifies in wonder, beauty and sheer amazingness. We are here on this blue planet spinning around in the middle of who knows where, for a brief time. OH wow…. Woowww.
We are reallllly fortunate.
I highly recommend you grab those books if they appeal to you or that you start to cultivate your own life philosophy. Something that guides you each day. A foundation that you can refer to again and again.
You go out and SOAK UP this day. SOAK. IT. UP. You will never have it again. There will never be another YOU, experiencing THIS DAY. How incredible is that? How fascinating are YOU!?
Very.
~Chandi
P.S. Take a moment real quick and look around. Listen. Right now, wherever you are. Notice something you’ve never seen/heard/felt before. The texture of the table you’re sitting at? The ambience of traffic outside your door? The way the sky is a gradient? Find something and let me know below. I can’t wait to read about it.
Amazing and beautiful! To be able to render oneself in absolute peace and contentment, full of self less thoughts, gratitude of all things given and taken away.
Giving of self to God and others makes for me a serene life full of spirit and grace. As a child my first memories of the “hippie movement” appealed to me in a sense of freedom and oneness with ALL. Having been Raised by older parents to be of a servant mind and heart I wanted to be a flower child when I grew up. How those are connected I don’t really know…other than always having a passionate desire free spirit and love. I, and all of us, I believe, have these needs of spiritual freedom and love. Be blessed Thank you for you. Peace
I just finished reading an article about Jim Carrey and his new show in the New York Times. You might check it out. What I have found is that we must always keep learning and searching in order to grow. The practice of Stoicism will undoubtedly lead you to things other when you are ready. And remember that melancholy is joy that has grown wise. Take good care.
I am an over thinker, I tend to think of all that can go wrong, so I have to breathe and be thankful for what I am blessed with, and not let that stop me. I love how the night sky is different shades of blues, purples and blacks. Have a blessed day!
I love you Chandi!
I was noticing all the clouds this evening on my way home. They were so defined and there were spots of blueness but then gray from a storm. One cloud you could see the stream of rain coming down and another was like a wall of rain. Then in another direction the clouds were just huge white puffs up against blue sky. I don’t know but the clouds just seemed more defined tonight.
Lovely Chsndi as are you. A great deal to ponder on. At almost 80 I’m so uplifted to see you young people looking deeper into life. Its fascinating . much love Mary.
I find that when I forget to live in the moment AS WELL AS planning that I end up feeling like I’ve missed too many things. Bringing awareness to everyday life can be hard! And sometimes I don’t want to notice things, too, to be honest!
the wonderful quiet when night time is here and the outside goes to sleep
the wonderful quiet at the end of the day when all go to sleep. Realizing that some are now waking up to start their day.
I’ve heard it many times, but since my little old dog was diagnosed with cancer, the sound of her snoring gives me such joy. It didn’t annoy me previously, but now it is precious, because it is limited.
I love your blog. I have read the Guide to a good Life recentst and it appealed to me. I have to say that at age 61 I have reached that state. I have seen much, done much feared much, lost many and have doubted a lot. My philosophy always have been that God has given me, 3 times in my life, a chance to live on instead of dying and since then I live way more intensely. I am aware of the little things that others take for granted and celebrate them. I love my fellow human beings and reach out every time I can, and get so much in return. I just saw a beautiful sky outside my apartment, smelled the hue Vos rancheros I had in the oven for the celebration of Hispanic Heritage month tomorrow at my workplace for seniors and thanked my husband for making me a cup of my favorite tea. I am too tired today to knit or crochet, but not too tired to read your blog. Love it, love you and wish you happiness in all the little things in your life😘😘😘😘
Thank you so much for sharing, Chandi! Right now, I’m in the middle of my usual weeknight craziness: six daughters, dinner, homework, bathing and bed at a decent time, if I’m lucky. But, I just took a minute to read your post and I’m so glad I did. I really do love all of this craziness and we are so incredibly blessed to have each other, to have a home, even to be able to go to school—there are so many places in the world where school isn’t even an option. I’m glad my kids have homework if it means they get to learn freely. Sorry for the super-long comment but thank you for all you give us: your words, your thoughts, your heart, and of course, beautiful yarn!
Such beautiful and inspiring words. Thank you so much for sharing yourself. About 5 1/2 years ago I went through something that changed my physical self drastically. From that time I began noticing so many small, wonderful things. When I was finally able to walk again I started to get out in nature. Something I had never done before. My walker and I have walked on paths in my beloved Colorado Rockies.
I love that you are so willing to share with us. Much joy on your new path.
Wow! I will look into the books. Thanks Chandi.
Karen
So cool
It’s counting your blessings. I have fibromyalgia, which can be a real annoyance at times, but I don’t have to look far to find people who are far worse off than I am, with horrible illnesses I do not have. It’s a matter of perspective, & how you look at life. Pout about something you cannot change, or recognize it as an opportunity for growth!
just.my.skin. I Just turned 60 and sometimes I see scarey things in the mirror, but it is the same skin that has carried me throughout all of the ups and downs of this life. I am so very grateful that I got up early this morning for a little extra online time. <3
Wonderful article we can all learn from, no matter out age. You are brave and courageous to post.
Thank you. You are beautiful inside and out.
Thanks for your thoughts… all we want in life is to be content with where we are, while also wanting to be better. It’s a tension of balance. Good life is found in that balance.
Thanks for this! I needed this right now. I will focus on the positive!
Beautifully written. We need to be reminded to be joyful in the little things, they are precious. Thank you for your thoughts. Have a wonderful day!
As in currently trying to deal with my dad being diagnosed with a fatal disease, (ALS) I think this might help me enjoy the time I have left with him. Thank you, Chandi.
Awesome blog. I will check out those books. I love God on a Harley – it’s older but same kind of philosophy. Once A year I visit the possibility of not having this glorious life- and write more plans down. I give away more of my things to my children, if they want or need them. I also teach to people who want to learn courses but can’t afford full costs. I love to share knowledge.
I experienced the loss of my Love a year and a half ago. I knew what I had, I just never thought I would lose it. Since then I have gone deeper into my own life philosophy. I have always been a free spirit. Now I take each moment for what it is, fleeting.
I have two dogs, one 14.5 years old, the other almost 13 weeks old. The puppy joined our little family (me and my older dog) when she was four weeks old. Every Tuesday I post photos or a short video of my puppy, and sometimes both furbabies, along with my weeks insight into her quick growth. I try to remind my family and friends to slow down and savor life.
We don’t know what the next day, or hour, will bring. I have stopped waiting to find out and try to live through it. What a wonderful thing to know you are seeing your path more clearly. I hope more can as well.
Bought the books – wish me luck on my journey! At almost 69 I still feel there is so much to learn!
Thank you for your openness about having dark days mixed into the good ones. Sometimes just knowing that someone else has faced and effectively dealt with life one stitch at a time makes the job easier. Whether having faith in God leads to stoicism or the other way around, acceptance of what life has dealt leads to strength. Thank you.
Beautiful post, Chandi.
This morning I noticed the love in my cat’s eyes…instead of just a black fur ball.
I will definitely check out those books! Thanks so much for sharing with us.
Love your vulnerability. Vulnerability=strength!
Kindest Regards,
Becky
Thanks for this post. Not sure why I’m just seeing it!? It has caused me to sit back and think about my life and all I have been through. At the age of 21 after being married for only 9 months, my husband was killed in a robbery. Talk about life changing! I learned real quick how to be stoic. It took a long time to find joy in anything. But then God gave me Bill. I found joy again and a reason to go on. We have a great life that I have never taken for granted. After my youngest graduated high school my health took a turn. I had stage 4 metastatic melanoma. Many surgeries, radiations and immunotherapies and I have learned that life is very precious. Many people have told me that they look up to me because I have stayed so positive and strong and with a smile on my face. I look for the good in everything and everyone. I didn’t think I would still be here to see my children get married. They got married 2 months apart, 4 years ago. I then didn’t think I would ever be a grandma. My oldest is 2. My 4th is due Nov 1. My cancer is at bay for now. You would think I was done but no, now I have back issues. I haven’t been able to do anything this entire year. I had surgery Aug 9 that didn’t work and now will have another surgery Sept 25. This one has come close to taking me down. Talk about stoicism. I’ve faught hard to find gratitude but I have a beautiful new home that is zero entry so I am very grateful for that! I still have my wonderful family and I will march on. My knitting has gotten me through all of it. Thank you for being so wonderful!
Nancy, my heart is with you through all of that!! It’s amazing you are still looking for the good in it all. XOXO
Thanks for this insight. I think I have some reading to do. Best wishes on your journey through life.
great article!
Chandi, your uplifting and positive emails throughout the week touch my heart. It has been a very dark year for me. My husband was stricken with an illness that no one can identify which has left him a paraplegic. Lack of appropriate care has left him with a sacral pressure wound that has not healed since December 21017. I am his sole caregiver, but am still working full time. My family lives at least 300 miles away and have been remarkably absent in our lives since this happened. The world is on my shoulders and I need to find that joy and peace that my lifelong faith is just not providing. I am ready to try a new approach. I pray that this is it.
Brenda, my thoughts are with you. I’m sorry for this hard time in your life and hope the sun shines again soon on you both. 🙂
hi chandi,
i have previewed both of the 2 books on stoicism on amazon and have ordered them from my library.
thank you so much for sharing this part of your life with us.
wishing you peace and love,
margaret (daisy)
I just watched your skydive video and I had to laugh because I would have been a mess if that was me. WOW I’m scared to death of heights but my brother used to do hot air ballooning and I actually went up in it with him a few times. My fingers were held so tightly to the basket at first. But the beautiful slow movement of floating basket just passing over the world was breath taking. Not as hair raising as jumping out of a plane. Lol. I could never do that and I mean never.
If you get a chance go hot air balloon riding one day.
Happy your safe.
Susan, oddly enough I rode a hot air balloon one time, while it was still tethered to the ground and I was freaking out!!! HAHA! You are so brave!
I love those moments when I am mindful, I try to have them often but sometimes they are not so easy…. like today after a very emotionally hard day in getting ready for bed, I was waiting for My Lover (husband of 27 years 😉) who didn’t hear me walk in while he was brushing his teeth, all the sudden everything else melted away my sadness of the day, being tired from a long day and my mild fustration of having to wait to get into the bathroom melted away and for a few moments I stood there smiling watching him brush his teeth every aspect of the act and found joy and peace. ♥️THEN while finishing my nightlies I opened my email and saw your email Chandi that things are going okay and you all are safe still then followed the link to this blog….yep meant to be 💝 Mahlo Nui Loa for the reminder Chandi💝Much Love ❤️
Thank you for sharing!
As always, you have dug deep, opened yourself up and shared … with those of us blessed to have you and yours in our lives.
Keep growing and stretching dear one … you are an amazing spirit …
Susie
Thank you for sharing
Wow – you are always so positive and help me get through MY “icy” moments. I can’t ever picture you down about anything or afraid! Through your videos and your beautiful yarn and patterns I’m learning to see beauty and be grateful. Thank you for being YOU and always inspiring!
Thank you for the kind words, Sylvia.
Hi Chandi, I recently got a tough diagnosis and was thinking who is an inspiring being that likely may have some insight into tools or books. I have seen both of those books recommended previously (Brian Johnson and Tim Ferriss have reviewed both I think) but never actually got around to reading them. Looks like now is the time!
Thank you for being an upbeat, kind and introspective individual. ps. I love your yarn and knitting
Regards, Angie
I’m so sorry about your diagnosis. I will be keeping you in my thoughts. Do not hesitate to reach out for anything. Sending you love, Chandi. ❤️
Hi Chandi…. I’ve discovered you last week and since that day, I knit and watch your video because you are so uplifting! … And yes, I’m the kind of person that do what you speak about in your text. I’ve always (not every day, mind you) I take the time to aknowledge the big and small things in my life, and accept the ones that I could not change. The ONE that has been the hardest ( I will never accept but live with) is my MS diagnosis. That led to unemployment, break up, isolation. And I had nothing to keep me going. Even my son… Let just say that in my darkest time, I was thinking that yes , he’ll be sad if I’m not there anymore but in peace because the pain is soooo bad. And he see that.
Anyway, just to say that thinking about the worst that could happen in my life prepared me for my future. And now, 7 years after the diagnosis, I’m still mostly alone (being sick do that to relationship) unemployed… I’ve kind of find a little space for me to be. I’m now able to find things or do things that makes me feel proud of myself. And I have my wonderful dog (Sam) who’s been neglect, and he is such a gentle soul for me. So I knit, I read, and I love and accept everyone around me. And I hope to someday, maybe, have a companion.
Sorry for that letter!!! It’s the first time that someone get how I think. and it’s not negative, because sometimes the worst things happens and that way, in your heart, you’re kind of prepared!
eli
Elizabeth,
Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I absolutely appreciate all of those words that you have shared. You are incredibly strong and I admire your strength and grace. I am sending love your way. ❤️❤️
– Chandi –
Hello Chandi!
I discovered you when I discovered the joys of knitting and natural fibers, about five months ago. I absolutely love your quirky humor and cheeriness. I, too, am working my way into a new life philosophy, and a new me, and I appreciate your journey. I am learning to meditate, to tell the universe what I want, and to embrace that life rather than allowing my past to determine my future. I found that the philosophy taught by Dr. Joe Dispenza, backed by science (the epigenetics work of Dr. Bruce Lipton), resonates with me. I’ve been a global security intelligence analyst for the last 15 years, daily looking for trouble, danger, threats, etc, and determining their potential effects on people, businesses, governments, etc. In short, I’ve been focused entirely on the bad, the negative, the dangerous. I help keep people safe in a real way, and that is what motivated me. But while I’ve been making a difference for others I’ve been marinating in a morass of depression, cynicism, and negativity that has prevented me from being happy, excited, effervescent. SO, I am walking away from that life, away from watching for the worst, and walking purposefully toward the light. I’m learning to LOVE LIFE! You’re providing a brilliant example, and I so appreciate you. From Dr. Dispenza:”[I]f you don’t get beyond who you think you are and the way you’ve been conditioned to believe the world works, it’s not possible to create a new life or a new destiny. So in a very real sense, you have to get out of your own way, transcend the memory of yourself as an identity, and allow something greater than you, something mystical, to take over.” and “Experience without (the entanglement of) emotion is wisdom.”
Have an absolutely amazing day!
Victoria
Well.. here I am. 4 years later. I am always behind everyone and everything. Maybe it is because I have always taken the time to notice and appreciate things. Even as a child, I would bury ants that I accidentally stepped on. Strange, I suppose, but I felt bad for harming them and taking them away from their loved ones. I try to explain how I see things, but most people laugh and tell me how odd I am. On occasion, I seem to reach someone, and it gives me a warm feeling. I wish I could put my thoughts into words, for after I am gone, but whenever I try, I go back and read it later and I think it sounds crazy, dumb, or just way too deep and serious. Or I use too much humor, and I know nobody will take me seriously then. I guess I just want my loved ones to know my heart. I know that all the children I have had around me in my life, seem to follow me and understand and even question things. That makes me so happy. Like looking at Jupiter with my 2 little grandkids last night. They stayed out with me for over an hour! Even the 3 year old looked through her little binoculars and gleefully yelled out “i see it ammaw!!!!” Maybe it is just kids that will ever really see me. Animals also. I am ok with that. I just sometimes wish my grown kids could see me too. Anyway, I am glad I finally read your thoughts and look forward to reading more. Even if I am 4 years late. I love how you place words on paper. Thank you for being a part of my life. You calling us lil dewdrop in todays email made me feel so good and put a smile on my face. Enjoy your life. It truly does fly by.